Why Sadness Sucks
Sadness sucks. Why? Because that’s what my parents taught me. “Jason don’t cry. Let’s talk about it. Use your words.” The message was definitely “Don’t be sad.”
From a young age, my parents who might be a lot like yours, taught me to avoid the feelings of sadness at all costs.
Divorce – No problem. Get counseling and talk it out.
Money problems – Just put your head down and work harder.
Big transitions of moving, starting a new school, having one parent – Don’t worry; be happy.
And if you can’t be happy, just join the other 17 million Americans who take an anti depressant and push on.
The problems really occur when sadness gets suppressed for long periods of time. Suppressed sadness can cook and simmer into anger. Ever been the angry parent who snapped and said something horrendous?
I have, and it’s usually related to loss or sadness that life isn’t showing up the way I want it to.
Currently, I am experiencing a lot of sadness, as are my kids, as my wife and I transition into a separation and two homes.
It’s been surprising and freeing to become comfortable with sadness and to be able to support my children in expressing this taboo feeling.
In the last month, we’ve expressed sadness by using clay, drawing pictures, and even identifying what color our sadness is and where sad feelings live in our bodies.
My children and I continue to teach each other that life doesn’t always show up in the ways that we want it to.
By learning to embrace sadness, my children and I are becoming more intelligent about our emotions, both in ourselves and in others.
I invite you to join us as we continue to explore the adventure of sadness.
Monday Mindfulness on Letting Yourself Feel Sadness
• Finding books in the library about sadness, loss, or change can be helpful. In regards to separation, I’m a fan of “Was it the Chocolate Pudding?”
• Instead of rushing for a tissue and trying to stop your child from crying, give them empathy and space and let them know that sadness and grief are normal emotions.
• Take time with your kids to learn about other cultures like Mexico and their famous Day of the Dead ceremonies that support grief as part of life.
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Thank you for sharing this Jason. It’s very helpful to me!
@Jessica – Thank you for reading. Willing to take a small leap and share how it’s been helpful?
Hi Jason,
This is a very interesting article. When I moved to the U.S., I have noticed that feeling sad and in the bad mood is not commonly accepted in this culture. It felt like you are always expected to be smiling and dandy even when you don’t necessarily feel like it. When I have gone to funerals here, it looked like people still had to look good and not cry. While I don’t promote sadness as a great thing, I do agree with you that it is important that people are allowed to express any emotion and not be judged by it. There will always be suffering and I believe that accepting that fact is very liberating. I really commend you on being so open and honest and wish you all the best.
I love that you gave emotions a color. For me sadness would be grey and it would live in my heart and in a hug. Joy would be shades of bright purple, lavender, pink – would also live in my heart, but in my eyes and feet as well. May you and your kids see many flowers of joy amongst the sadness. I will pray that will be so. Blessings, Linda
@Jelena – Thank you for your kind words. Yes we Americans are pretty good at avoiding feelings. Somewhere in our history we confused fighting for freedom with closing of our hearts. Here is to the next generation of compassionate warriors.
@Linda – Thanks for your prayers. Even in the mucky muck of today, the flowers are growing.