Free To Be Parents

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Parenting in a world filled with time constraints can leave you depleted and overwhelmed. You don’t want to force or control your child, but you need some relief from the constant struggles. Here's the good news: No matter what challenges you face as a family, you can find ways to connect. Read More

“The cause of happiness come rarely and many of the seeds of suffering, but if I have no pain, I’ll never long for freedom; therefore oh my mind be steadfast.”

Pema Chodron translates the timeless teaching of 8th Century Poet Shantideva.

As a parent the emotion of anger can surprisingly pop up and create all sorts of havoc in daily encounters with our kids.

Pema helps illuminate how pain has it’s virtues and how we can learn form our anger in her audiobook “Don’t Bite the Hook.”

Click Here to Listen to her translation.

If you’re interested you can find the audio program here.

I have a need. I have a need for speed. I have a need to get more done in less time.

I’ve texted, talked, and eaten while driving; I’ve rocked a baby while watching a video online; I have frequented Starbucks, WellsFargo, and Walgreen’s pharmacy drive-throughs.

All to get my need for more time met.

As a culture we are time obsessed.

From “Getting Things Done” to “Bigger, Stronger, Faster, Better” we are living in a rushed era that is trying to finally get to a point of arrival.

In our hurried states, we can tend to get locked into wanting life to show up a certain way.

And when this happens:

Sometimes, we forget to breathe.

Sometimes, we forget to identify our needs instead of the strategy to get those needs met.

Sometimes, we forget that more time isn’t necessary to connect with our family.

The fact is that there are only 24 hours in a day and that no matter how hard and fast we run as parents, there is always more to do.

So, here we are time obsessed and teaching our children the same lesson: Get up, go to school, have dinner, go to bed.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

So, how can we slow down in this rushed society?

Let your child teach you how to be.

They still remember.

Children are filled with playfulness and imagination, a capacity for wonder and a curiosity about life’s mysteries.

A good giggle, story, or game can help release some of our worries about time and help us regain balance in the moments we do have.

Monday Mindfulness for Releasing the Time Obsession

-The next time you hear yourself say, “I wish I had more time” stop take a breath and get connected to what need is most alive in the moment. Use a feelings and needs sheet if you’re uncertain.

-External marketing and forces will continue to share a reality that we need to rush. It can be helpful to create a daily practice to reconnect to yourself so you have more compassion and kindness for whatever life brings.

-Take some time this week and get in your children’s world. Play with play dough, make a puzzle, or play a video game with them.

Have you ever watched a child who was completely frustrated because they didn’t have immediate mastery over a new skill?

This week Sierra and I went over to the tennis courts to practice some bike riding.

Almost immediately, Sierra went into meltdown: “It’s not working, I hate this. I don’t want to learn.”

I could feel my blood pressure rise and my ears begin to hurt as I listened to her whine.

Happily, my sister, Dawn, was with us. Growing up, Dawn had a tough time.

She has since been diagnosed with dyslexia. But, back then, we lived in a little podunk town and, out of ignorance, she got placed with kids who were severely mentally and behaviorally challenged.

Imagine yourself as an extremely gifted and spirited child who was constantly teased and held back.

Imagine the frustration.

Somehow, over the years Dawn took her experiences from childhood and used them to become amazing at teaching children new skills.

She is currently working her magic at a children’s ski school in Northern New Mexico.

So, as I began to get irritated and shut down, Dawn stepped in and saved the day.

She had an awe inspiring patience with Sierra’s frustration and gave her simple, step-by-step, instructions.

When Sierra started to show signs of discouragement, Dawn pointed out how far she’d come.

A simple hour later and Sierra was riding the court and making turns on her own!

So, I asked Dawn what helped.

She shared how intimidating it can be to learn new skills as a child when an adult is towering over them. The simple magic is to get down to there level, create eye contact, and be patient when a child is feeling frustrated.

Monday Mindfulness for Dealing with a Perfectionist Child

Get down on your child’s level and look them in the eyes. If you really want your child’s perspective get down on your knees and have them stand on a chair. This can show you how intimidating a towering parent can be.

As a parent you don’t have expertise in all areas. Allow other members from your community to help educate and teach your child. It really does take a village.

When teaching a new skill, keep focusing on what is working, instead of harping on what isn’t. This will give your child a feeling of hope and reassurance that they can learn a new skill.