Free To Be Parents

Have you ever seen a flower growing out of a crack in the sidewalk?

Isn’t it amazing that some construction company will lay cement, spend hours smoothing it down, and, yet, with enough time, a seedling will find the one hairline crack and grow there, turning its face in the direction of the sun?

I say amazing because how does that flower ever find the courage to keep pushing its way through to the light, creating more and more space for itself?

That’s how it sometimes feels to me, as a parent, when my heart hurts and all I want to do is shut down and, still, I know that my biggest challenge is to stay open and vulnerable to my children so that, like that seed in the dark, I can grow.

As you know, if you have been following along in the Monday Morning Minute, this is a dark time for me.

My wife and I have separated and it has not been so easy to find the light when my mind begins to race trying to understand why this is happening. There are times when all I can see is darkness.

What can I do in those times? How do I re-find my way?

One thing that helps enormously is to go Pronoic. This is one of the ways that I turn toward the sun.

Rob Brezsny has written a fabulous book called Pronoia. Rob has discovered that rowdy bliss is the way to break the patterns of doom and gloom.

It is not easy to go against the cultural grain to befriend enemies and bring humor to intensely painful situation.

Going Pronoic is the opposite of getting paranoid. It is the fundamental belief that the whole world is conspiring to shower you with blessings.

I’ve been successfully experimenting with going pronoic as a transition into the possibility of divorce.

In the past few months, I’ve felt the darkness swallow me. I’ve blamed, guilted, and been the victim. However the real light in the darkness has come when I’ve written a love poem to my self, laughed for a full minute everyday, and even sent my separated wife gifts and notes of kindness.

By shifting the energy of anger, aggression, and disconnection, I’m learning I can find gratitude and fun in the most painful of moments.

As a busy parent you are challenged daily with balancing the needs of your child with your own needs. There are many times you can get stuck in your story that there isn’t enough time, your child is too sensitive, and your life has become tragic.

Monday Mindfulness to Going Pronoic this Week

-Call a friend and invite them to laugh with you for a full sixty seconds everyday for one week. At first this sounds incredibly strained but, with time, you realize that there is actually some real laughter is mixed in there, and, at the end of the minute, something has shifted.

-A very high percentage of people report that their biggest life challenges are also the same events they are most grateful for later in life. Pretend you don’t need to wait and make a list of 5 things you’re grateful about in this current life challenge.

-Draw a picture of your anger and frustration and send it to Angst Incineration Crew, P.O. Box 150628, San Rafael, CA 94915. They’ll burn your picture to ash and send you some loving vibes.

Parenting in a world filled with time constraints can leave you depleted and overwhelmed. You don’t want to force or control your child, but you need some relief from the constant struggles. Here's the good news: No matter what challenges you face as a family, you can find ways to connect. Read More