Free To Be Parents

By Jason Stein

You’re driving down the street singing along to your favorite tune when mid-chorus, a black SUV with tinted windows cut’s you off going 80 mph.

“You idiot” you shout out loud, thinking that somehow your voice can travel at the speed of light and catch the racing driver.

Then, in total shock, you turn around and see that your child in the back seat is wide-eyed with mouth gaping open.

The jackals* come flooding in, “Crap what I’m I thinking?! I’ve just taught my child it’s okay to call people idiots. I’m not fit to parent. I suck. I’m the idiot.”

If this has happened to you, you’re not alone.

You are not hopeless – just human.

It’s not the mistake you make, but how you clean it up in front of your child, that counts.

The first time I remember an adult cleaning up a mistake with me was when I was a 7 year old cub scout. I entered the pinewood derby car to race.

I spent months designing and painting my car.

In the trials, my car, was fast, real fast, and I knew I would have a great finish.

Before the big race, my step-dad Ron came over with a tube of gel that he told me would make the car even faster.

Wheels greased, I waited excitedly to let go. I heard the whistle and with all the gusto of a turtle, my car moved a few feet and stopped.

Oh No!

As I filled with anger, Ron approached and I threw my anger towards him like daggers. Without wincing he accepted my anger. All of it. He then quietly said, “You’re right. The lube didn’t work.”

Somehow, in that moment he was able to take 100% responsibility and give me the love I needed to mend my crushed derby car hopes.

Monday Mindfulness for Making Parenting Mistakes.

Remember it’s not about being perfect, give yourself some freedom to mess up. You’ll teach your child more about becoming an adult if you make mistakes and clean them up rather than fearing them.

Notice the Jackals blaming you for being a bad parent, stop, and see if you can take full responsibility with honesty to the present situation. This Jackal is here to bring your attention to unmet needs.

Take some time to talk with your child and share the need that was alive for you and if you had to do it again what new strategy you would choose to get that need met.

**** jackals refer to any language or thoughts that disconnect us from life.

Parenting in a world filled with time constraints can leave you depleted and overwhelmed. You don’t want to force or control your child, but you need some relief from the constant struggles. Here's the good news: No matter what challenges you face as a family, you can find ways to connect. Read More