From Attachment to Abundance
Attachment in NVC means that at some level you’re thinking, “My needs have to or should be met in this one way.” You have attached one particular strategy to a need or bundle of needs.
Sometimes your strategy is another person. This happens most often with people who play important roles in your life, mother, spouse, best friend, son, or boss.
It’s pretty easy to get caught in the idea that those people are suppose to meet certain needs of yours.
Your spouse is suppose to meet all your needs for intimacy and support. Your mother is suppose to or should have met all your needs for nurturing and unconditional love.
When they don’t respond the way you expect, feelings like anger, resentment, anxiety, desperation, or devastation arise. You might find yourself making demands or threats. All are good signs that you have attached a bundle of needs to one strategy.
In some cases attachment has you carry anger and resentment around for years by thinking over and over again, “My dad should apologize for the mistakes he made as a father. He should take responsibility for what he did.” You want acceptance and understanding around what happened for you in your childhood and you’re attached to those needs being met by your dad.
Abundance in this context means you have many strategies to meet one need. When you have a lot of strategies for meeting your needs, there is a different reaction when one strategy doesn’t work. For example, if your spouse is your favorite strategy for intimacy and support and he or she is unavailable, you’ll likely feel disappointment and sadness rather than anger and resentment.
The key to an abundance of life satisfaction is to notice when your needs are met. When needs are met it’s easy to sort of sail along until you hit a bump and your needs aren’t met.
Sail along with a bit more attention to those times when you are feeling happy, fulfilled, inspired, or energized. What needs were met and how were they met? If you felt happy after meeting with a friend exam exactly what they did. What did they say, how did they listen, what actions did they take? What needs were met?
The more aware you are of an abundance of strategies to meet your needs, the more your life will be imbued with a sense of confidence and equanimity.
Today, notice positive feelings when they arise and connect them to the needs and the strategies that met those needs.
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